For version 0.3: Astreon's writing has definitely improved since the first release, but there are still issues. For one, the goals of the MC and his party are sometimes not clearly explained or seem arbitrary. It often feels like I'm missing context. Then there's not a lot of (emotional) intimacy going on, not even in the lewd scenes. And I think Olivia is annoying quite often. So while overall expressiveness has gotten better, it's still not good. Lastly, there were a few dialogue errors that basic proofreading should've caught; that just doesn't leave a good impression. Visually the game is nice, the characters look great, and the UI is very stylish. The animations are unique, not the default HS animations, and pretty alright in quality.
Overall, I have no doubt that the dev is trying to tell a nice story. He even cut an early lewd scene that the game just gave you out of nowhere. Though while things did improve, he's not fully there yet
dude what even happened why did on earth Olivia have black hair to in the post portal she now has brown hair and now everyone's way more emotionally soft? MC went from Olivia is an old comrade to I always held her in my heart?
Honestly, I really tried to like this, because I think the concept is interesting. Unfortunately it just really doesn't make sense. I saw you've reworked the story twice, but it's still completely disjointed. There's no clear explanation for why anything is happening. It feels like you had ideas for scenes but didn't know how to get from one to another so you just said fuck it and stuck them together with no context. On top of that, the dialogue is also all over the place. There's no actual flow to the conversations and it makes them damn near impossible to follow.
I think the best thing you could possibly do is seek out some help from someone with a little more experience writing. who can help you connect the dots and make things flow a lot smoother and more clearly. There's definite potential here, it just really needs to be more fleshed out.
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For version 0.3: Astreon's writing has definitely improved since the first release, but there are still issues. For one, the goals of the MC and his party are sometimes not clearly explained or seem arbitrary. It often feels like I'm missing context. Then there's not a lot of (emotional) intimacy going on, not even in the lewd scenes. And I think Olivia is annoying quite often. So while overall expressiveness has gotten better, it's still not good. Lastly, there were a few dialogue errors that basic proofreading should've caught; that just doesn't leave a good impression. Visually the game is nice, the characters look great, and the UI is very stylish. The animations are unique, not the default HS animations, and pretty alright in quality.
Overall, I have no doubt that the dev is trying to tell a nice story. He even cut an early lewd scene that the game just gave you out of nowhere. Though while things did improve, he's not fully there yet
Seeing an Esports team logo as a tattoo for one of the girls was not on my bingo card. SF Shock represent!
is there a way to know all the names of the songs?
what if any kinks are in this game?
dude what even happened why did on earth Olivia have black hair to in the post portal she now has brown hair and now everyone's way more emotionally soft? MC went from Olivia is an old comrade to I always held her in my heart?
Honestly, I really tried to like this, because I think the concept is interesting. Unfortunately it just really doesn't make sense. I saw you've reworked the story twice, but it's still completely disjointed. There's no clear explanation for why anything is happening. It feels like you had ideas for scenes but didn't know how to get from one to another so you just said fuck it and stuck them together with no context. On top of that, the dialogue is also all over the place. There's no actual flow to the conversations and it makes them damn near impossible to follow.
I think the best thing you could possibly do is seek out some help from someone with a little more experience writing. who can help you connect the dots and make things flow a lot smoother and more clearly. There's definite potential here, it just really needs to be more fleshed out.
Um is Olivia gym scene the last one? and the last two just place holders?
Errr... if I were you, I'd consider checking the contents of the google drive you're sharing with us, because I think you just doxed yourself.
Oops, thx dear xD
No problem, happy to help especially as I studied in the same city :v
Richards voice reminds me of auberge man from the dayshift at freddies games.
cooking as always
Youre cooking with the miriel writing shes definitely the best LI
😎
Is there an explanation as to what happened to Floras body that I just haven't gotten to yet?
淫蕩場景角色會有聲音嗎號